She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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