Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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