you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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