My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
