All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
