the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
my liver is dry heaving
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize