I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
