porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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