Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How's work?
Spinning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
