I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
