I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
