im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love having hate sex.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
