You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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