put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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