Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and she was petting her beer can
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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