Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
