I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize