ugly people sure do ruin things
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
