ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
