u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
