can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize