i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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