Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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