so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
