We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
