I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just high enough for therapy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
