All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
