Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
