I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
