you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
a search helicopter?!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
