I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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