I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
