I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
