I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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