Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
