Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
