after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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