I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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