Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
