I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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