Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
