This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is my gift to your gina
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
COCAINE IS GR8
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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