Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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