I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
