similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've changed since you got that strap on
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
