the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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