my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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