don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
