office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
