You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
