oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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