At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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