Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
