My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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