She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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