dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
