plz talk dirty to me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm too high and old for this...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
