Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
