i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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