you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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