there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
