She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
