I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
