That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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