i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
