u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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