I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
