I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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