Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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