If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
