Me too!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
