Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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