Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
