WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
